Small Conceits

Musings. Stories. Poems. From where I stand.

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Help Desk: Conspiracy

HD: “Help Desk.”

Caller: “Hey, I just got this error message that says ‘Something went wrong.'”

HD: “Can you be more specific than that?”

Caller: “Uh, no. That’s exactly what the error message says: ‘Something went wrong.”

HD: “Can you replicate the error?”

Caller: “How can I replicate the error if I don’t know what it was?”

HD: “Look, don’t get testy with ME! I didn’t make the error.”

Caller: “I’m not sure I did either.”

HD: “Well, you’re the one with the error message.”

Caller: “Ha! But it doesn’t say I made the error. It Just said that something went wrong. Passive voice. I might not have made the error at all.”

HD: “What are you talking about? Of course you made the error!”

Caller: “No, no. See: People use passive voice when they’re trying to shift blame or hide something. So I think SharePoint made an error and is trying to blame ME!”

HD: “That’s insane. Passive voice is used all over every Microsoft error message.”

Caller: <pause> “I rest my case.”

HD: “Oh, so now you’re saying that Microsoft blames you for everything, even though it’s actually at fault itself?”

Caller: “No, that’s NOT–…Well, maybe. I mean, think about it…”

HD: “Oh, wait! That’s my other line. Gotta go!”

Caller: “Hey! HEY!” <dial tone> “He hung up on me.”

HD: <answering second line> “Help Desk.”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I just got this error message that says ‘Something went wrong.'”

HD: “Oh, no…”

Caller: “I know, right? I think it’s a conspiracy.”

HD: “There’s two of you.”

Caller: “I mean, people only use passive voice if they’re involved in a conspiracy, right?”